


Knocking on Death's Door

by dark_shadow85



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-19
Updated: 2012-09-19
Packaged: 2017-11-14 15:11:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/516693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dark_shadow85/pseuds/dark_shadow85
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was a fill for a prompt by Cherry916 on the Ohsam Hurt/Comfort Meme.  If you haven’t checked it out yet, you should stop by! The prompt:    </p><p>Sam's depressed after he finds out he's Lucifer vessel. During Dean's time in the future. Sam decides to test Lucifer's theory and see if he really will bring him back, but the angels find him first and refuse for the 'tainted one' to complete such a sinful action. Once Dean comes back and tries to call Sam, Sam doesn't answer.</p><p>The story will be AU so I will be taking a few things out of cannon.   It will be happening during 5.03 with the twist asked by the OP.  So on with the Sammy wumpage…</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

 

The young hunter groaned as he felt a hand on his shoulder.  “Not now Dean…”  He’d finally managed to get to sleep and didn’t want to wake up so soon.

 

“Sam…” A feminine voice whispered in his ear.  He turned and blinked for a moment before he realized the hand belonged to someone he never thought he’d see again.

 

“Jess?”  Sam managed as he continued to gaze at the young woman who was lying in bed next to him.  For a moment his mind screamed it wasn’t real, yet her hand felt solid when she touched him to wake him.  After the day he’d had, he just needed the illusion.   “God knows how much I miss you, too. But you're wrong. People can change. There is reason for hope.”

 

Jessica shakes her head sadly.  “No, Sam. There isn't.”  Sam turns his back to her as he sat up on the bed.  He really didn’t know why he was arguing with a figment of his imagination, but then who else did he have to talk to?

 

“How can you be so sure?” Sam whispered.

 

A masculine voice answers.  “Because you freed me.”

 

Sam turned quickly and blinked.  Where Jess had been just moments before a man about Dean’s age now stood.  But he knew it couldn’t be a man, the eyes while sympathetic, were cold as ice.  He wasn’t sure at first but as he heard a soft chuckle, he knew.

 

The being smiled.  “That’s right.  You know who I am.”

 

“Lucifer” Sam breathed out, horrified.

 

Sam stood and began to back away from his nightmare.  Lucifer however, seemed to be unfazed by his reaction.  Instead he began talking as if they were long lost friends.  “You are a hard one to find, Sam. Harder than most humans. I don't suppose you'd tell me where you are?”

 

For a moment the young hunter was confused but then he realized the being must be dreaming.  “What do you want with me?” Sam demanded as he tried to figure out exactly how the demon got into his mind.  Was there a link?  If so, how could he hide from the monster?  He watched warily as Lucifer continued to move about the room.

 

“Thanks to you, I walk the earth. I want to give you a gift. I want to give you everything.” Lucifer said as he smiled at Sam.

 

The youngest Winchester glared.  “I don't want anything from you.”

 

However Lucifer just shrugged as if it was of no concern.  “I'm so sorry, Sam, I, I really am, but Nick here is just an improvisation. Plan B. He can barely contain me without spontaneously combusting.”

 

Sam took another step back.  “What are you talking about?”

 

Lucifer took another step closer to Sam and placed his hand on the hunter’s shoulder.  Sam could feel the slight pressure.  “Why do you think you were in that chapel? You're the one, Sam. You're my vessel. My true vessel. “

 

 “No!”  Sam whispered in horror.

 

Lucifer squeezed Sam’s shoulder again as he bent down to look directly into Sam’s eyes.  “Yes.” He said quietly

 

Sam shrugged the being’s hand from his shoulder and moved away.  The breath in his lungs felt frozen as he spoke more to himself then Lucifer.  “No. That'll never happen.” He mumbled.

 

“I'm sorry, but it will. I will find you. And when I do, you will let me in. I'm sure of it.”  Lucifer sounded so confident.  But if it was that easy then why?  Suddenly Sam realized he already had his answer. 

 

“You need my consent.”  Sam almost laughed.  One of the mightiest beings in creation couldn’t do anything unless he agreed to become his vessel.  For a moment he almost laughed at the irony of it all.  Dean had been chosen to be the vessel of Michael while he—he had been chosen to house Satan.  The hunter was drawn from his thoughts as the fallen angel continued to speak.

 

“Of course. I'm an angel.” Lucifer spoke as if he were talking to a child.

 

For a moment Sam felt hope rise in his chest.  If he didn’t say yes, Lucifer couldn’t claim him.  The apocalypse could be averted.  But just as quickly he remembered how they had come to this point—he was weak.  Of course the demon expected him to say yes.  Hell, Dean probably would agree and he’d be right.

 

“I will kill myself before letting you in.” Sam remarked calmly.

 

Lucifer just shrugged.  “I'll just bring you back.”  The dark angel sighed.  “Sam. My heart breaks for you. The weight on your shoulders, what you've done, what you still have to do. It is more than anyone could bear. If there was some other way...but there isn't. I will never lie to you. I will never trick you. But you will say yes to me.”

 

A part of Sam knew Lucifer was right.  He wasn’t strong enough to fight him, especially alone.  But years of being John Winchester’s son and Dean Winchester’s brother caused him to square his shoulders and respond with certainty.  “You're wrong.”

 

The dark angel shook his head.  “I'm not. I think I know you better than you know yourself. “

 

Sam shivered and he turned his back on Lucifer.  “Why me? “

 

Once again the ancient being looked at Sam with sympathy.  “Because it had to be you, Sam. It always had to be you.”

 

Sam gasped as he woke and climbed quickly from the bed.  The denial regarding his destiny died on his lips as he glanced around the room for Lucifer.  But the room was empty.  The young hunter felt his knees bend as he crashed to the floor.  He looked upwards as if Heaven would have the answers but then God and Heaven had made it clear he was not welcome.  Even Dean hadn’t put up a fight when he suggested that they no longer hunt together.  If his own brother thought him an abomination then who was he to argue? 

 

He stood on shaking legs and walked towards the small desk in his room.  As he sat at the table, he wondered what his brother would do.  Of course, he already knew the answer.  Dean had said no to Zachariah.  Even with the arm twisting, or leg breaking was more accurate, Dean had held steady and refused to become an Angel condom.  A small smile tugged at the desolate Winchester’s lips as he recalled his brother’s words.  Even facing Heaven, Dean had managed to push back using his own unique style.

 

 

Sam sighed as he glanced at the darkened window pane.  He had a choice to make and this time he wouldn’t be able to lean on Dean.  He’d created the mess and deep down he knew he deserved anything that happened to him.  The first time he’d tasted Ruby’s blood, he’d been damned.  He glanced back down at the worn desk.  It reflected his own situation—he was worn out.  As he continued to stare at the wood, he began to list his options.

 

He could just try to disappear.  With the symbols carved into his ribs Castiel had assured him that no Angel would be able to find him.  Since Lucifer was an angel and apparently had not really found his physical location, he could assume he would be safe.  The young hunter would just find a hole somewhere and wait it out.  The only problem was while Lucifer couldn’t find him—he could find Dean.  Worse yet, his brother would never give up until he found Lucifer.  Sam already knew he couldn’t be as strong as Dean had been.  He couldn’t risk losing his brother again.  Especially to a being that he was responsible for bringing into the world.

 

Which lead to the second choice; he could hunt for Lucifer himself.  There had to be a way to defeat the bastard.  Unfortunately, he didn’t have the resources.  Bobby was his best bet to find the answer but after what he’d done, how could he face the man.  Even though Bobby had told him he didn’t mean what he had said, Sam still felt the sting of Bobby’s words when he told him he never wanted to see him again.  Besides, he wouldn’t risk Bobby either.  If anyone was going to die, it should be him.

 

As tears fell down his face he realized there was only one answer, he had to take himself totally off the playing board.

 

 _“I'll just bring you back.”_ Lucifer’s words mocked him.

 

 _“Demons lie Sammy.”_   His father’s words from long ago countered.

The way Sam saw it; he had nothing to lose trying to find out.

 

Dean looked over at Castiel as they drove away from Raphael.  He still couldn’t believe they had made it.  “So holy oil huh?”

 

Castiel shrugged and continued to stare straight ahead.

 

“Just sayin’ it’s kind of funny that you guys can be held captive by expired salad dressing” Dean chuckled.  When Castiel still didn’t respond, he shook his head.  At least with Sam he would have gotten an eye roll or at least some kind of acknowledgement.

 

But then Sam wasn’t here and he was stuck with his truly ‘silent’ partner.  Dean tightened his grip on the wheel and continued to drive down the highway.  He had no idea where he was going and really didn’t care.  It didn’t seem to matter where he stopped with all the chaos going on, he had his pick of hunts.  Then of course, there were the Missions Impossible given to him by his angel buddy. 

 

It wasn’t the first time he wondered if he’d been right to let Sam go.  At the time, it seemed to be the only thing that made sense.  His brother had looked so broken and he wasn’t exactly in his prime either.  Between trying to keep himself from becoming the “Michael Sword” and figuring out a way to clean up the mess he and his brother had made, Dean just didn’t have enough left to look after Sam.  Of course, Bobby didn’t agree but then his mentor didn’t have to deal with the shattered looks or wonder if his partner was going to run out on him again if they didn’t agree on what to do.  In the end, he just couldn’t trust Sam right now and without that, they couldn’t really work together and survive.

 

“You should call him…”  Castiel said as he glanced over at Dean.

 

“Call who?”  Dean decided to play dumb.  There was no way the Angel could read his mind.  The hunter glanced sideways and glared for a moment—at least he better not be.

 

“Sam” The angel simply replied.

 

Dean shook his head.  “He’s better off sitting this one out Cas.  I can’t protect him and save the world.”

 

“Nor can you do it alone Dean.” Castiel turned to look at him.  “I’ve come to believe that together, you and Sam can maybe defy your destiny.”

 

“Right, like we can stand up against both Heaven and Hell without messing things up.  Look what happened when we tried…”  Dean waved his arm encompassing the world outside the window.  “Sam may have opened the door, but I screwed up too.  I should have been able to stop him.”

 

 

Castiel shook his head.  “Zachariah had you captive.  You did what you could Dean.  You convinced me to stand against my brothers to help you.  I still believe the same as I did when I chose a side in this war.  My father would not have left things to chance, he would have given you and your brother what will be required to win.”

 

“Right, so when did you speak to your father last?”  Dean remarked as he glanced over at the angel.  When Castiel turned to look back outside the window he nodded.  “Just like I thought.  Look maybe this mess can be cleaned up and maybe it can’t.  But right now, the last place Sam should be is by my side.”

 

Castiel sighed.  “You hate your brother that much?”

 

Dean swallowed as he pushed down harder on the pedal.  “No, I love him too much.”

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

Sam sat with the hotel stationary sitting in front of him.  Part of him wanted to call Dean, just to hear his voice one last time but he was pretty sure his brother wouldn’t answer.  It had been weeks and Dean hadn’t called him so he figured it was safe to assume his brother had already moved on with his life.  The idea that he could be so easily forgotten hurt but he didn’t blame his brother.  Dean had come for him and tried to help him before the door opened but it had been too late.  Blinded by vengeance and filled with demon blood, Sam hadn’t heard his brother’s frantic cries for him to stop.

 

As he slowly folded the letter and placed it in the envelope addressed to Dean in care of Bobby Singer’s address, he sighed.  No matter how much he tried to explain it to Dean, his brother would probably still feel responsible.  For a moment he thought about not mailing the letter, but the idea of Dean eventually finding out about his death another way would have been cruel.  He only hoped his brother would follow his final wishes and not try to bring him back.  Dean had been right when he said, _“What was dead should stay dead…”_   In some respects, he thought it may have been better if he’d never been born at all.

 

The young hunter grabbed his key and exited the room.  The small town he had landed in was nice and for a short time he’d thought maybe he could stay here and pretend he wasn’t a monster.  But life never let him hide for long.  It was the one thing that had been shown to him over and over.  He’d spent his childhood railing against his father’s insistence that he learn to hunt.  For a time, he’d even escaped only to lose Jessica the same way he’d lost his mother.  He lost his father, Pastor Jim, Caleb, Ellen, Jo, Ash, the list was long and getting longer.  All of them gone. Even Dean had gone to Hell to save him and for what?  So he could be the one to end the world by saying yes to Lucifer?

 

He stopped by the mailbox and hesitated for a brief moment before he dropped the envelope into the slot.  The first step was done.  Next he had to figure out a way to ensure that he wouldn’t be able to come back.  He’d thought about pills, but even without Lucifer that wouldn’t be a sure thing.  His knife was next, but something could go wrong.  Even using a gun could backfire if someone heard the shot and interceded.  No Winchester luck meant he couldn’t use traditional means to end his life. 

 

As he walked back towards his hotel, he noticed there was some road work being done.  Suddenly the large orange sign gave him the answer he sought.  He looked closer and smiled when he realized the work crew had finished for the day.  All he had to do was wait until dark, then he could sneak in and get his hands on the materials he’d need to make sure there would be no coming back.  Now that he had a plan, all that was left was to find a location. 

 

He couldn’t in good conscience use the explosives anywhere in town.  The hunter wouldn’t take any more innocent lives.  He continued to walk through town and noticed there was a used car dealership not far from the hotel.  He could easily hotwire a car but again, he had enough from his earnings to buy what he needed.  After all, the car didn’t have to run far and he wouldn’t need the money after tonight.

 

A short time later, Sam’s pockets were $500 lighter as he drove the old rusty Cadillac down the street.  The car actually ran pretty well and it fit his large frame comfortably.  He had just enough money to fill the tank and stop at the local liquor store for some liquid courage.  With luck, he could toast in his demise with the best Johnny Walker had to offer and not feel the hole that had been growing inside since he discovered his true destiny.

 

But first, he figured he would drive to a remote spot and enjoy his last days on earth before he took his brother’s place in Hell.  He had no illusions that his soul would deserve anything less.  He parked outside his room and entered to do his final packing.  As he glanced around the room, he realized there really wasn’t that much left to do.  He’d never really unpacked.

 

Years of constantly moving was still ingrained in him.  He had been living out of his duffle just as he had been since he could remember.  Even at Stanford, he had kept his bag ready just in case.  As he thought about what he had, he chuckled.  There was really nothing anyone would want when he was gone.  Dean might have wanted his gun and maybe even the unusual knife his father had given him on his sixteenth birthday.  The curved blade really wasn’t useful, but Sam had loved it. 

 

He pulled the knife out and began to thrust and parry with it.  He’d never really had an occasion to use it, but the heft still felt as if the weapon was meant for him.  As he remembered the day his father had given it to him, he wondered once again how much is father had really known. 

 

 _“He told me, if I couldn’t save you, I’d have to kill you Sammy…”_   Dean’s voice broke into his thoughts.  It was another reason why this seemed to be the best course of action.  Dean hadn’t been able to kill Sam when he should have.  It was clear his big brother, no matter how mad or disgusted with him he was—would never be able to kill him.  Besides he realized now how unfair it had been of his father to ask that of Dean.  Too bad his father hadn’t lived, he was pretty sure John Winchester would have stopped Sam with a bullet long before he’d gotten anywhere near the final seal. 

 

Sam dropped the circular blade back into his duffle.  It had been useless for hunting, just like him.  They both deserved what awaited them.  He glanced around the room one last time before he picked up his bag and headed for the Cadillac.  The room looked as if no one had been there.  Sam couldn’t help but think it was the way it was always meant to be for him.  Other than Dean and Bobby, there would be no one to miss him when he was gone.

 

He stopped in the office to drop off the key.  “Checking out?” The owner asked.

 

Sam nodded.  “Yeah…”

 

“So where you off to?  I thought you were planning on staying here for bit.”  The woman glanced up and smiled.  “Job not working out?  If they are giving you a hard time over there, you just let me know…”

 

“No, nothing like that.  I just have to take care of something back home.”  Sam smiled as he thanked her and headed back towards his car.  Up until that moment, he hadn’t known where he was going.  But the answer was so simple and it was only about 4 hours away.  It was also someplace he knew Dean would never look for him—the one place his brother swore he’d never return to, Lawrence.

 

**xXxXxXx**

It had been a couple of weeks since they had left Raphael in the circle of holy fire.  Dean wondered if the powerful Archangel was still trapped or if one of his buddies had come to set him free.  Castiel had left to once again search for his missing father, which left the oldest Winchester hunting alone.  As he pulled up to his latest hotel, he wondered for a brief moment what his brother was doing.  “Probably reading a book and eating bon bon’s…”  Dean huffed as he grabbed his bag and headed inside. 

 

The room had two beds and for a moment, Dean expected to see another duffle at the end of the bed furthest from the door.  But there wouldn’t be an occupant in the other bed anytime soon.  As much as he missed his brother, he knew he’d made the right choice.  Until they could be sure that Sam’s head was on straight and he was over the demon blood addiction, he was a liability—a liability that could get one or both of them killed.

 

He turned on the old TV and began to flip through the channels.  He kicked off his boots and crawled up to sit with his shoulders against the headboard.  The hunter thought about ordering in food for the evening, but after weeks of one hunt after another he was ready for a night of sleep.  But before he could convince himself that he needed to get up and at least salt the door and windows his phone rang. 

 

Dean groaned as he picked it up and saw Bobby’s name on the caller ID.  “Hey Man, look whatever you have found it’s gonna have to wait until tomorrow.  I’m beat Bobby.”

The silence at the other end of the phone was unnerving.  Dean sat up straighter.  “Bobby?”

 

“Have you heard anything from your brother?”  Bobby asked without any preamble.  At first Dean felt angry but then the way his friend asked had his Sammy radar pinging.  Bobby knew they were taking a break from each other and so far other than a comment here and there, he’d never pushed the issue.  He knew Sam was keeping in contact with the older hunter.  Bobby had told him that Sam had reported a demon infestation to him over a week ago.  “Did he go after the demons Bobby?  Did something happen?”

 

Bobby sighed.  “No I sent a couple of other guys to handle the problem.  That’s not why I’m calling.”

 

Dean huffed.  “So why are you calling Bobby?”

 

There was another moment of silence before Dean heard his friend sigh.  “I got something in one of my Post Office Boxes.  I normally don’t check that one but once a month, but I was in town and decided to stop in.  There was a letter in there…”

 

“And…”  Dean asked losing a little patience. 

 

“It was addressed to you…from Sam.”  Bobby replied.

 

Dean felt his stomach drop.  Why would Sam be sending him a letter?  He glanced down at the phone in his hand and saw there were no messages.  If Sam wanted to talk to him, he could just call.  He’d never told Sam he couldn’t and yet he’d not reached out to his younger sibling either.  “What does it say Bobby?”

 

“I didn’t open it you idjit!”  Bobby growled.  “It’s against the law to open someone else’s mail boy and in my current condition; I don’t think prison would be too appealing.”

 

“Right, like you’ve never broken a few laws.”  Dean waited for a moment and when there was no other noise from the other end he remarked sarcastically.  “Open the damn letter Bobby.”

 

The sound of paper tearing had Dean’s nerves on edge.  He waited a few moments before he heard a soft exclamation from his old friend.  “What is it?”

 

“How far are you from Garber Oklahoma boy?”  Bobby asked instead.

 

“About six hours out, why?”  Dean asked dreading the answer.  From the sound of Bobby’s voice whatever was in the letter wasn’t good.  For a moment he felt a stab of dread fill him.  “He—He’s not dead is he?”

 

Bobby quickly answered.  “No—at least I don’t think so.  Damn the letter was mailed four days ago.”

 

“What the hell is in the letter Bobby!”  Dean exclaimed as he clutched the phone tighter. 

 

“He’s saying goodbye Dean and I don’t mean the kind where he’s just going to go on vacation either.”  Bobby’s voice sounded worried.  “I know he sounded down the last time I spoke to him, but after everything that happened I didn’t think he’d do something this stupid.  Damn it, I should have dragged him back here while he got his head on straight!”

 

“Whoa, what are you talking about Bobby?”  Dean asked as he began putting his boots back on.  Suddenly he was no longer tired.  The need to get to his little brother outweighed his previous exhaustion.

 

“When he called about our little demon problem.  He just sounded like…”  Bobby hesitated.

 

“Like what Bobby?” 

 

“Like he’d given up.  Like he had no reason to live—damn it.”  Dean heard the sound of a wheelchair moving on the old wooden floors.  “I’m going to head out towards Garber…”

 

“Hold on Bobby, did you try to call Sam?”  Dean was already heading out towards the Impala.  As he got behind the wheel, he glanced down at his phone to make sure once again there were no messages from his brother.  

 

“Of course you idgit!  I called him first but he didn’t answer his phone.  Do you think I’d call you if I had talked to him?”  Dean wanted to be angry with Bobby but his fear for his brother outweighed the need to slap his old friend for even thinking about not calling him.  Instead he simply decided to get to his brother as quickly as possible.

 

“Just stay put Bobby, I’m closer and already on my way.”  Dean heard the frustration in his friend’s voice and realized how he must feel being sidelined all the time.  “He might call you or show up there…”

 

“Fine, but you better call me as soon as you have that idjit in your sights.”  Bobby growled.  “And then both of you better be heading this way so I can knock some sense into both your heads!”

 

Dean chuckled as he got the name of the hotel before he hung up with his friend.  He glanced at the phone and decided it was worth a try.  He punched in Sam’s number and waited.  The phone went directly to voicemail.  “Great, so much for GPS…damn it Sam you better be okay when I get there so I can kick your ass!”

 

 

**xXxXxXx**

Raphael looked at Zachariah.  “Why not just go and find the tainted human?”

 

Zachariah responded.  “Because I already know where he is.  In fact, I’ll be paying him a visit shortly.  What better bait to get big brother out of hiding?”

 

“How did you find him?”  Raphael asked.

 

“It really wasn’t that hard.  Thanks to one of our followers, I’ve actually known where Sam Winchester has been for weeks but you know the rules.  I can’t touch him without putting a wrench in our plans.”  Zachariah groused.

 

“I heard Lucifer already has taken another vessel.  Why not get rid of the abomination?”  Raphael argued.  “I still don’t understand why our father has chosen this path to ending the war.  Why use the humans at all?”

 

Zachariah glared at Raphael.  “It’s not for us to question destiny.  Everything so far had come to pass just as we were told.  Soon the vessels will be in place and then we can finally defeat the prince of darkness.  Peace will soon be ours my friend.  Just think, no more looking after our father’s inferior pets.”

 

Raphael laughed.  “Yes, I am looking forward to that day.  So what do you want me to do?”

 

“Now that I’ve laid a trail for Dean Winchester, I think the least we should do is to make sure his little brother is there waiting for him.”  Zachariah grinned.  “Of course, if he’s a little worse for wear, I’m sure it might nudge Dean to finally get on board with the plan.”

 

“And if he doesn’t?” Raphael asked.

 

“Then I’ll bring Michael’s vessel back here until he decides to make the right decision.”  Zachariah answered before he disappeared from view.

 

 

 

Sam sat on a log looking over the Kansas River.  He’d been camping out for a couple of days now.  At first he thought he would just come to Lawrence, find a remote location and then just set off the explosives he had borrowed from the construction site.  But a part of him was still unsure that this would even be enough to stop Lucifer.  What if it only made things worse?

 

He glanced over at the old Cadillac that was parked not far from his campsite.  He’d rigged the explosives to the engine so that the next time he started the car, it would explode.  It hadn’t taken him long to get it done and yet here he still sat gazing at the water and listening to the birds as night began to fall. 

 

They say that before you die your life flashes before your eyes.  Sam wasn’t sure if that was true, but he had spent the past couple of days revisiting his past.  He kept going over and over what he’d done trying to find the point where he started to go wrong.  In the end, he determined that the reasons behind his actions while good didn’t erase the end result.  Because of him, the world now teetered on the edge of oblivion. 

 

The quiet of the woods behind him and the gentle sound of the water lapping on the shore were just the calm before the storm.  Soon all of this would be gone.  All that would be left would be charred and lifeless unless he could figure out a way to stop it.  Of course he could just keep saying no to Lucifer and try to hide until Dean and Bobby found a way to stop the Archangel.  But he had no illusions.  Eventually Lucifer would find him and he knew he wouldn’t have the strength to resist—he’d already shown how weak he could be when he accepted Ruby’s lies. 

 

“Hello there Samuel…”  Sam jumped up and turned to face the angel who had tried to get his brother to say yes to being Michael’s vessel. 

 

“Zachariah—how?”  The young hunter took a step back and glanced around looking for a way to escape.  He’d run out of time.  However if he could get to the car, just a turn of the key would end this once and for all.

 

“I have my sources.  Not as easy now that Castiel helped you to hide, but there are always humans who are true believers.  It was only a matter of time before I found one of you.”  Zachariah shrugged.

 

“Why are you here?”  Sam asked as he took another step closer to the car.  If he could keep the angel talking, he just might make it.

 

“Where do you think you are going human?”  Zachariah raised his eyebrow as he shook his head.  “You have no place to go unless I allow it.”

 

“Look, I’m going to make this easy for you.  Just let me finish what I started and Michael won’t need to use Dean.  Lucifer will be trapped in an inferior shell and easy to defeat.”  Sam took two more steps towards the car, his hand reaching behind him to feel for the door handle.

 

“Interesting proposal Samuel but unfortunately, I don’t think I can take your offer as tempting as it sounds.  There are rules…”  Sam didn’t wait to hear the rest of the angel’s speech.  He yanked the door open and jumped inside.  He glanced out the window at Zachariah before he turned the key.  But instead of an explosion, there was nothing.  Sam slammed his hand against the steering wheel and pulled the gun from beneath the seat.  Without thinking twice he aimed it at his head and pulled the trigger, but again nothing happened.

 

Before he could move the door flew off the hinges and he felt himself being yanked from the car.  He fell to the ground with enough force that the wind was forced from his lungs.  As he looked up at Zachariah’s grinning face he could only manage a soft groan.  “Why?”

 

Zachariah huffed.  “You don’t get to change the rules.  You made your choice when you opened the door Sammy.  You fulfilled the first part of your destiny and now you’re going to man up and finish what you started…”

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

Dean had managed to make good time to Garber.  He parked outside the office of the motel where Sam had been staying and went inside to see if he could figure out what room his little brother was in.  As he looked over the register he noticed one of Sam’s aliases and smiled. 

 

“Can I help you?”  An older woman asked as she entered from the back room.

 

“Actually, I was just looking for my little brother, Keith.  I was in the area and thought I’d surprise him.”  Dean smiled as the woman frowned at him.  He kept his tone light and his face friendly as he continued.  “It’s his birthday next week and I just thought I’d take him out for a night on the town while I’m here.”

 

The woman’s face relaxed.  “Well that’s gonna be kind of hard son.  I’m sorry but he left four days ago…”

 

Dean tried to keep his fear from his voice.  “Did he say where he was heading?”

 

“Not really…”  She paused for a moment.  “He did mention something about having to handle a problem at home though.  Does that help?”

 

The oldest Winchester smiled.  “Sure does sweetheart, Thanks!”  Before the woman could respond he turned and left the office.  He sat in the car and decided to check in with Bobby.  The only ‘home’ he and Sam had known for some time now was Bobby’s place.  Maybe his kid brother was on the way to Bobby’s.

 

“Did you find him?”  Bobby asked.

 

“Well I guess that means he’s not with you either.”  Dean huffed.  “He told the woman at the hotel he was heading home…”

 

“Well as nice as that sounds, I doubt the idjit would come here to kill himself.  Where else would he consider home Dean?”  Bobby asked thoughtfully.

 

Dean shook his head for a moment before a sudden though hit him.  “I wonder, but no, he wouldn’t go there…”

 

“Where Dean?” 

 

“Lawrence is only about 4 hours from here.  You don’t think he’d go back there…”  Dean felt his stomach tighten.  The last place he wanted to go was to the place where his life had been changed forever.  He’d sworn once before he’d never return to the place of his birth but here he was again heading that way.

 

“It is where everything began Dean.  In his mind, it would make sense for him to end it there.  You don’t think he’d go to your old house?”  Bobby asked.

 

“No, but I know someone there who might be able to help me find him.”  Dean ground out as he began to head the car towards his old home.

 

“Missouri” Bobby replied without hesitation.  “You better call me when you find him Dean…”

 

“I will Bobby.”  Dean hung up the phone and called a number he thought he’d never call again.  The phone was picked up on the first ring.

 

“Dean, what took you so long to call me boy!”  Missouri chastised him over the phone.  However Dean didn’t have time to play this game right now.  He only hoped she could use her abilities to at least give him a location. 

 

“Sam’s missing?”  Missouri asked before Dean could respond.

 

“Yeah and I think he’s in your neck of the woods.  He didn’t stop by to see you by any chance did he?”  It was a slim hope, but then with Sam anything was possible.  He never thought his brother would drink demon blood and yet, here they were.

 

“No child and before you ask, I told you my powers don’t work like you’re thinking.  But I do know of someone who might be able to help.  By the time you get to my house, hopefully I’ll have an answer for you.”  Before Dean could say anything the phone line went dead.  Without any other leads, he figured he might as well see what Missouri could come up with.  “You better be okay Sam…”  Dean whispered as he pressed his foot on the accelerator and sped towards the home of Missouri Mosely.

 

 

Sam grunted as the angel threw him against a tree.  He felt something snap as pain lanced through his chest.  If Zachariah kept this up then maybe Sam wouldn’t have to worry about Lucifer.  In fact if he could get the angel mad enough then maybe…

 

“You know it must really piss you off that in order to win, you need us lowly humans.”  Sam wheezed slightly as he tried to gather his breath.  He was pretty sure he had at least one cracked rib if not more.  One more good wallop and his ribs could snap and puncture his lungs.  Not the way he would have preferred to go, but then he may as well get use to pain as he was pretty sure Hell wasn’t going to be a picnic when he got there.

 

The angel grimaced as he walked over to Sam and picked him up by his shirt.  “You would be wise to watch your tongue boy or when your brother gets here—you’ll be nothing more than a pile of broken bones.”

 

Sam hissed as he pulled in a quick breath.  “What do you mean?  He doesn’t even know where I am.”

 

“Of course he does Samuel.  Our little helper will make sure he’s on the right track.  It’s amazing what you can do with the right channels.  A little listening to the right psychic station and then a message to the right ear and viola!  Don’t worry, your big brother will charge in here to rescue poor little Sammy.”  Zachariah chuckled.  “Then the fun can really begin as I let him decide how much punishment he’s willing to let you suffer before he says yes.”

 

Sam shook his head to clear his vision.  His body already hurt in more places than he could count with the tossing around he’d gone through.  Yet he had to keep his wits about him if he was going to save Dean.  “He doesn’t care about me.  In case you didn’t notice, we aren’t even hunting together anymore.  You and your demon buddies made sure that he would hate me and it worked.”

 

For a moment he saw hesitation in the angel’s eyes.  He knew that Zachariah might be able to read him, so he let his emotions free.  What he said was the truth anyway.  Dean was done with him and he deserved it.  All he was to his big brother now was a burden and one that he would be well rid of.  The young hunter groaned as he was tossed across the clearing to land closer to his car. 

 

Zachariah laughed.  “You think you can hide from me Winchester?  Your brother may have managed but you—I can smell your taint all the way from Heaven.  You’re an abomination and one that I will be happy to see crushed when Michael runs you through with his sword.  Dean won’t be able to save you and Lucifer won’t either.  I’m afraid that in the end, you will die as you should have done at birth; alone and forgotten.”

 

 

The hunter got on his knees and slowly crawled towards the car.  He knew it probably wouldn’t run but he had to do something just in case Dean decided to show. Before he could move more than an inch, there was a loud explosion followed by hot metal raining down on him.  He fell and covered his head only to cry out when he felt something hot cut into the back of his leg.  He tried to move, but the metal piece was lodged in the back of his thigh.  He could feel blood already pooling beneath him as he tried to ride out the pain.

 

“You wanted an explosion, well there you go Samuel.”  Zachariah knelt beside Sam for a moment before he pulled the large shard of metal from his leg.  Sam yelled and curled into himself as the pain from his leg joined the pain from his ribs.  He could feel himself slipping into darkness and yet he fought it.  “Don’t worry Samuel.  Once your brother gets here and agrees to accept his destiny—I’ll make sure your master knows where you are so he can heal you up just like knew.  Of course, you’ll have to say yes but by then I’m thinking you’ll beg him to take you.  After all, you already have his blood in your veins, why continue to fight when you’re already a monster?”

 

Sam tried to sit up but his body was too weak.  Instead he looked up at the heavenly being and smiled.  “I may be a monster but I’m not the only one.  Your hands are far from clean in this mess.  In fact, in order to make this happen, you had to work with demons didn’t you?”  He knew he’d hit pay dirt when Zachariah pointed his finger at Sam’s arm for a moment before a loud crack could be heard.  The young hunter didn’t have to look down to know it was broken.   He cried out when he felt himself being lifted again by his shirt to gaze into the furious eyes of his tormentor.

 

“I am doing the will of God and you would be well versed to remember it.  You are no more than a tool in God’s arsenal to defeat Lucifer.  You were chosen because you were weak Samuel.  The fix is in and you’ll lose.  But don’t worry.  At least your brother will find peace when it’s done.  If he says yes, he’ll join in the peace that follows which is more than I can say for you.”  Zachariah tossed Sam aside like he was yesterday’s trash.

 

The hunter landed on his bad arm which bent further under the weight of his body.  Sam looked down and could now see bone through the broken skin on his arm.  As the world around him began to turn grey, his last thoughts were of his brother.  For the first time in his life, he hoped Dean wouldn’t show up to save him because the angel did speak the truth—he was already dead.

 

**xXxXxXx**

Dean pulled up outside Missouri’s home.  The last time he’d been here was when Sam had a premonition about their old house.  He’d almost lost his brother that time too when the poltergeist decided to trap his brother inside.  As he walked up the steps he wasn’t surprised when the psychic opened the door before he reached it.  He wasn’t sure what to make of her but for some reason he felt like he could still trust her. 

 

“Dean!  It’s so good to see you.  I told you to stop back, but I just wish it was under happier circumstances.”  Missouri sighed as she followed Dean inside.  The oldest Winchester took a seat on the same couch he and Sam had shared before.  He smiled slightly at he recalled Missouri threatening him when he tried to put his feet on the coffee table.  After everything that had happened, he wondered how much the woman had known after their visit.

 

“So Dean, a lot has happened since we last met.”  Missouri sat back in her chair and shook her head sadly.  “I always knew your brother had powerful abilities but none of us could foresee what was in store for you two boys.  I’m so sorry…”

 

“How?”  Dean started to ask but then realized she probably stayed in touch with other hunters.  Bobby also knew of her which could explain her knowledge.  Actually he hoped it was something like that rather than her reading his mind or being able to gaze into the future because if she had known and not told him…Dean jumped as her hand landed gently on his forearm.

 

“I didn’t know what was to come Dean.  If I had, I would have warned you and that brother of yours.  For what it’s worth, I sensed your brother’s disquiet but I never felt he was evil.”  Missouri sat back again.  “But that’s the past and we need to talk about your current problem.” 

 

The psychic reached for her laptop and quickly began to boot it up.  When she saw the astonished look on Dean’s face, she chuckled.  “Just because I’m psychic, doesn’t mean I don’t know about modern conveniences boy.  I even have my own website.”

 

“Seriously?”  Dean asked with a raised brow.

 

Missouri shrugged.  “The yellow pages don’t really bring in the customers anymore.  Social Media, now that is where the money is at.”

 

“Whatever.  What did you find out Missouri?”  Dean really didn’t have time for old home week with Missouri.  He had a feeling that time was running out for his brother.  He watched as she continued to type on her computer for a few more minutes before she looked up and smiled at him.

 

“I have a few reliable contacts.  These people have similar gifts of premonition similar to your brother Sam.”

 

“He hasn’t had visions since the yellow-eyed demon was killed Missouri…” Dean interrupted. 

 

“Hush child.  What matters now is James was able to lock in on your brother using the shirt he left here last time you boys stopped by.”  Dean leaned forward as Missouri continued to read for a moment before she continued.  “He says he sees a river and a campsite.  There are trees and he says…”  She paused before she looked up at Dean.

 

“What?”

 

“Ah, he saw blood Dean….”  Missouri said softly.

 

**xXxXxXx**

The oldest Winchester sat in his car just outside the Riverside Park Missouri had shown him on a local area map.  The location felt right to him.  It had some activity, but the more remote areas would be a perfect place for his brother to hole up.  The only problem was, the park was big and would take time for him to search on his own.  He pulled out his cell phone and punched in a number.

 

“Yes Dean?”  Castiel’s monotone voice never ceased to amaze the older hunter.  Taking a deep breath Dean explained the problem.  Before he could hang up the phone, he jumped as his angel friend appeared beside him in the Impala.

 

“Sheesh Cas!  One of these days you’re gonna give me a heart attack!”  Dean put his phone back in his pocket.

 

“I sensed your urgency and I came.  I’m not sure what I can do for you though.  I can’t locate Sam any more than…”  Castiel paused as a frown formed on his face.

 

“What is it?”  Dean knew the look and didn’t like it.  It was the look that probably meant this was about to go sideways.

 

“I can’t locate Samuel.  However, I can feel Zachariah’s signature.”  Castiel looked at Dean.  “I don’t think it is a coincidence.”

 

Dean sighed.  “No, it’s gotta be a trap.  Great!  So how do I get Sam away from Zach without finding myself back in the palatial suite?”

 

Castiel shrugged.  “He will know I’m here the same way I could sense him.  So already knows we are here Dean.”

 

The hunter slammed his fist against the wheel.  “We never get a break.  I swear to…to your father, if he’s hurt Sam I’m gonna end him.”  Dean sat back and rubbed his forehead.  He had no choice.  If Sam was with the angel, then it was a good bet he wouldn’t be in one piece. 

 

“Samuel may already be dead Dean.  Perhaps we should make a strategic retreat?” Dean turned and glared at Castiel.

 

 

“I’m not leaving my brother with that son of a bitch.”  Dean was already kicking himself for even calling Castiel.  If he hadn’t then at least he’d have had the element of surprise.  But it was too late now.  Zach knew he was coming and he most certainly had his little brother to use as bait.  There was only one thing to do.  “We’ll just have to walk in and ask him nicely to give Sam back.”

 

Castiel blinked.  “He won’t just give him back Dean.  We still have the angel killing sword.  I could try to engage him while you got Samuel away.”

 

Dean shook his head.  “That didn’t end so well for you last time.  Besides Cas, I kind of like having your feathery ass around.  Besides, who else is going to be able to find God and solve our little Lucifer problem?”  Dean looked out the window for a moment before he glanced at Castiel.  “We know he’s after me.  So here’s what we’re going to do…”

 

 

**xXxXxXx**

Sam groaned as he slowly opened his eyes.  He was still lying on the ground in the same place he’d blacked out in.  For a moment he wondered if Zachariah was done with him but a soft chuckle alerted him of the angel’s presence.  He rolled to his side and pushed himself up to a sitting position with his good arm.  The forest spun for a moment and he closed his eyes to breathe through it.  When he opened his eyes again, he could see Zachariah looking off towards the road.

 

“It seems you don’t know your brother as well as you thought Samuel.  He should be here shortly.  I suggest you keep your mouth shut while the big boys talk.”  The angel pointed his finger at Sam. 

 

The young hunter reached up to his throat, his eyes getting larger as he felt himself gasping for air.  No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t catch his breath.  Just before he passed out again, the pressure eased and he found himself gasping like a fish out of water.  What little strength he had left was rapidly leaving as he watched the forest around him continue to swirl.  At this rate, the angel wouldn’t have to worry about him—he’d be unconscious again.

 

The sound of a familiar engine caused Sam’s head to snap up.  “No!”  He whispered as he watched in horror.  A short time later, the Impala came into view.   The youngest Winchester tried to get his feet under him, but his leg refused to hold him. 

 

“Sit!”  Zach commanded as he glanced back quickly at Sam.  When the hunter appeared to obey the angel smiled.  “See you can be a good pet when you want to.  Now stay!”

 

 

Sam watched as his brother parked behind the destroyed Cadillac and calmly exited his car.  Castiel soon followed as they both faced off against Zachariah.   He saw his brother’s eyes narrow as they landed on him.  The young hunter lowered his gaze.  Dean was probably pissed that he had to come to his rescue—again.  The truth was, he didn’t blame him for it. 

 

“It seems I found something you lost Dean.”  Zachariah said as he motioned towards Sam.

 

“What did you do to him?”  Dean ground out as he casually leaned against the door of the Impala.

 

“Me?  I didn’t hurt your brother.  I saved him!”  Zachariah motioned towards what was left of the Cadillac.  “If I hadn’t gotten here when I did, he would have been inside.  So you see, you owe me Winchester.”

 

Sam took in a breath and tried to speak.  “Ngh…”  Nothing came out of his throat.  He felt his neck with a trembling hand, his eyes filled with horror as he realized he couldn’t speak.  Dean never looked at him as he continued to talk to the angel.  Sam watched as Castiel quietly began to move closer to Sam while still facing Zachariah.

 

“I only came because I had to make sure he wasn’t doing something else to mess things up.  Now that you have it under control, I’ll just leave you to it.”  The youngest Winchester felt tears well in his eyes, but he refused to let them fall.  He knew how Dean felt; his brother had been more than clear on where he stood with him before they separated.  But to hear it said to someone else hurt worse.

 

Zachariah huffed.  “Even if I were to believe what you are saying is true, I don’t want your old baggage.  So why don’t we make a deal.  You say yes to Michael and I’ll take him off your hands permanently.”

 

Dean crossed his legs as he continued to lean against the Impala.  He appeared to be actually thinking about the crazy angel’s proposition.  However before Sam could do anything to stop what was happening, Castiel moved to stand within easy reach of him. 

 

“Stay where I can see you Castiel.  You may have lost most of your powers but I know you still have your sword.”  Castiel held his hands out to his side as he remained quiet.  Sam saw Cas glance at Dean and then saw his brother nod slightly.  Before he could register what it might mean, Castiel grabbed his shoulder and he felt his world gray out once more.

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

Dean watched calmly as Castiel and Sam blinked out of view.  The plan had been risky at best and he had to hope that his angel friend had enough juice to get Sam back to the cabin that Bobby told them about.  With luck Castiel will have gotten Sam safe and also managed to get Bobby to the cabin to take care of Sam, just in case the rest of the plan went south.

 

“How dare you!”  Zachariah raged as he moved closer to Dean.  “I could kill you with a flick of a finger!”

 

“Now how would Michael feel about you denting his vessel?  Besides, Sam was never a part of any deal we might make.”  Dean said as he casually stood and placed his hand near the open window of the Impala.

 

“So you’re finally ready to do the right thing?”  Zachariah almost looked like a person who had hit the million dollar slot in Vegas.  He was practically dancing with excitement as he glanced upwards.  Dean cleared his throat as he glared at the angel.

 

“I didn’t say I was going to deal…just that we could talk about it.”  Dean grinned at the confused look on Zachariah’s face.  “But you know what?  Now that I’ve thought about it, I think I’ll have to refuse your kind offer.”

 

Before Zachariah could move Dean slammed his bloodied hand on the symbol painted on the inside door of the Impala.  With a loud roar and blinding white light, Zachariah disappeared.  For a moment the oldest Winchester held his breath as he waited for another of the bastards to appear.  When it seemed that he wasn’t going to have any more visitors he quickly grabbed his brother’s duffle from the campsite, jumped into the car and quickly drove away.

 

After he’d traveled for what he felt was long enough to lose any possible trace, he pulled over and patted the dash of his car.  “Don’t worry Baby, it washes off…”  He glanced over at the passenger seat for a moment, realizing he was looking for his brother’s patented eye roll.  But from the looks of things, that would have to wait a bit longer because he still had at long drive to reach their new hide out.  Deciding he needed to find out how things went after Cas disappeared with Sam, he dialed Bobby’s cell phone.

 

“It’s about time!  I was just getting ready to send Air Angel back in your direction you idjit!”  Bobby groused over the phone.

 

“I had to make sure I was in the clear first Bobby.  Is Sam with you?”  He held his breath as his friend grumbled for a few more minutes before answering his question.

 

“Yeah, the kid is here but I gotta tell you Dean, he’s in pretty rough shape.  You need to get here as fast as you can.”  Bobby sighed.

 

“Tell Sam I’m on my way Bobby…how is Cas?” He wondered if maybe their Angel friend couldn’t at least help his brother just enough to keep him from death’s door.

 

“He’s passed out in the bed next to Sammy.  It seems two trips so close together wore him out.”  Bobby paused.  “Don’t worry Dean, he’s got a nasty cut on his leg that got infected but I think we caught it in time.  His ribs are cracked and his arm was broken but with the little bit of angel mojo Cas had left, we’ve managed to get him fixed up so that he should be okay—at least physically.”

 

Dean breathed out a sigh of relief.  When he’d seen Sam, he though his brother wasn’t going to make it.  As he continued to drive the rest of Bobby’s words sunk in.  “What do you mean Bobby?”

 

“I left the bottle of pain pills by the bed so he could reach them if he needed them.  I was only gone for about two minutes when I returned with the ice to reduce the swelling on his leg…”  Bobby became quiet for a moment and Dean could have sworn he heard the man trying to control himself. 

 

“What did he do Bobby?”  Dean was afraid to ask, but somehow he already knew the answer.

 

“The damn idjit downed the whole bottle of Percocet Dean.  I was just getting ready to call 911 when he rolled to the side of the bed and threw them all up.  It was the weirdest think I ever saw.  The pills looked like they hadn’t even hit his stomach.”

 

Dean rubbed a hand over his face before he responded quietly.  “Is he okay now?”

 

“He hasn’t spoken a word Dean…”

 

**xXxXxXx**

Sam gazed at the rough hewed logs that made up the ceiling of the room he was in.  He could hear the soft breathing of Castiel as he lay unconscious on the bed that Dean normally would have taken had he been here.  Bobby had assured him his brother had escaped and was on his way to their location but instead of making him feel safe, it only made him feel trapped.

 

As soon as he’d become aware enough, he’d tried again to end it.  But the pills he ingested never even made it into his system.  As he threw them up, he could hear Lucifer’s words in his mind.

 

_“I'll just bring you back.”_

Apparently it hadn’t been an idle threat.  He couldn’t kill himself and for now he couldn’t run which meant once again he’d become his brother’s burden.  Of course, Dean could always just leave him with Bobby.  The cabin they were hidden in was now protected from angels dropping in.  The older hunter had completed the symbols once Castiel had passed out.

 

He blinked slowly and looked over at the IV that was now giving him fluids and antibiotics.  While he couldn’t die, he still had to heal from his wounds the old fashioned way.  Bobby told him that Cas had been able to partially heal his arm, at least enough that after the cast came off, it should function.  Unfortunately that was the extent of his healing powers.  The young hunter didn’t blame their heavenly friend; he’d done more than enough to help him even though he was tainted.  Sam shuddered as he realized what could have happened if Zachariah’s plan had worked. 

 

Dean might not want to be with him, but he couldn’t believe his brother wanted him dead.  Otherwise, he wouldn’t have come.  As he tried to pull the blanket higher, he realized that would have to be enough.  He couldn’t expect his brother to ever trust him again anymore than he could trust himself.  Once again his decision had almost led to disaster for not only him, but the whole freakin world.  He was tired of it—he was done. 

 

 

From now on he would just do what Bobby or Dean directed and wait to see if they could come up with a solution that didn’t involve him finishing what he started.  As he drifted back into the darkness that lately seemed to call to him more often than naught, Sam wondered if maybe he could just stay there until it was over.  At least that way he couldn’t give Lucifer the answer he craved—at least he hoped that was the case.

 

Dean parked the Impala in the barn located near the rear of the cabin.  He didn’t think the angels could spot his Baby, but he didn’t want to take any chances.  He grabbed both his bag and Sam’s before he headed towards the door.  It had been a long drive and he’d had plenty of time to think along the way.  While he still wasn’t sure about his brother’s ability to avoid drinking more demon blood, he couldn’t forget the shattered look in his sibling’s eyes when he’d heard what Dean had said to Zach.

 

The first thing he was going to do was make sure Sam understood, he hadn’t meant it.  He just said that to throw the angel off long enough for Cas to get into position.  In the past, Sam would have known it was a bluff but now—it was clear that was no longer the case.  The fact that his brother was trying to kill himself made Dean’s stomach churn.  He’d never meant for his sibling to think he hated him.  He still loved Sam, but sometimes love just wasn’t enough. 

 

Still, he should have known that Sam wasn’t leaving to get his head on straight.  His little brother had spent the weeks apart brooding and swimming in guilt for something Dean knew really wasn’t totally Sam’s fault.  The game had been rigged and he’d found out too late to stop it.  They both had messed up.  But he also realized something Sam had said a lifetime ago still was true now.  They were stronger together. 

 

“It’s about time you got here.  What did you do, stop to do your nails?”  Bobby groused as Dean dropped the bags inside the door.

 

“I missed you too old man.”  Dean simply replied.  He glanced around the main living area.  The great room was actually nice with leather furniture and even a big screen TV.  He could see a small galley kitchen off to one side along with a small table and chairs.  As he glanced back at Bobby he saw the man nod towards the small hallway that led off the main room. 

 

“You’ll find him in the first room on the right.  Cas took off a short time ago to do whatever it is he does and the last time I checked Sam was sleeping.”  Bobby walked towards the kitchen.  “I’ll get some soup heated.  Maybe you can get him to wake up long enough to eat it.”

 

“Has he said anything?”  Dean asked as he removed his jacket and draped it over the nearest chair.  He frowned as his friend shook his head.

 

 

“Not a word.  Not even when he’s having a nightmare.  Oh he makes sounds but as far as speaking, nada.  At first I thought it might be because of the bruising around his neck, but the swelling has gone done enough that it shouldn’t be a problem.”  Bobby remarked as he looked down the hallway, a sad look in his eyes.  “He’s given up pure and simple.  I don’t know if even you can get him back Dean.”

 

The oldest Winchester didn’t waste any more time as he headed down the hallway to his brother’s room.  He paused outside the door for a brief moment before he walked inside.  He’d seen his brother beaten before but he never would get used to it.  Sam’s face was bruised along with his neck.  A white cast was on his left arm.  There was still an IV attached to his brother’s other arm.  But it was the gaunt look that haunted Dean.  Sam had lost a lot of weight.  The time apart had not been kind to his little brother.  But that was going to change.

 

“Sam…”  Dean spoke softly as he lay a hand on his brother’s forehead.  He could feel the slight heat of fever but it wasn’t too high.  “Come on Sam, I know you’re in there.  Time to wake up.”

 

He could see his brother’s eyes moving beneath bruised lids.  A soft moan escaped chapped lips before with a small shudder, hazel eyes blinked up at him.  For a moment Dean thought he saw relief before those eyes slid away.  “Don’t worry, Zach won’t be bothering us anytime soon.  You just need to get better so we can start figuring out a way to get rid of Lucifer.”

 

Sam’s chest rose up and down rapidly as his brother’s breathing became ragged.  “No!” his brother whispered as he grabbed at his ribs and groaned.  Dean sat on the edge of the bed and placed a calming hand on his brother’s shoulder.

 

“Take it easy Sam.  We won’t do anything until we have a solid plan.”  Dean watched as his brother shook his head before tear filled eyes gazed up at him.  He couldn’t believe the despair in the familiar eyes.  “What is it Sam, What’s wrong?”

 

The young hunter swallowed before he looked away again.  For a moment Dean thought he was going to ignore him but then a soft voice caught his attention.  “I—I can’t go with you Dean.”

 

Dean sat back and sighed.  “Look Sam.  I know things haven’t been good between us.  Hell to be honest, it’s been pretty bad.  But you have to know I didn’t meant what I said to Zach.  I still love you.  You’re my pain in the ass little brother and that will never change.”

 

Sam shook his head.  “You—you don’t understand.  I’m the reason the world is going to end Dean!”

 

 

The older hunter leaned forward and captured his brother’s face with his hand.  He forced Sam to look at him before he responded.  “I know you think this is all your fault and the truth is, some of it is.  But the game was fixed Sam.  I know that and I know you did what you thought was right.  Hell I’d have killed the bitch myself if the situation had been reversed.  We didn’t know Sam—how could we when they kept us in the dark?”

 

He watched as a tear fell from the corner of Sam’s eye.  He used his thumb to wipe it before he continued.  “I know you think I don’t want you with me and maybe a few weeks ago that had been true.  It’s not the same without you Sam.” Dean paused before he continued.  “Once you’re healed up, we’ll hit the road—together.  You were right Sam, we are stronger as a family together.”

 

Sam seemed to shrink into himself as he turned his head away.  “Not stronger Dean—not with me.  You don’t understand, I’m a liability…”

 

“We can work on the demon blood thing Sam.  You told me you don’t crave it anymore right?”  Dean held his breath.  What if his little brother was back on demon blood?  Bobby had said there was demonic activity near where Sam had been staying.  “Look, if you’re hooked again, we can work through it…”

 

“NO!”  Sam looked back at Dean shaking his head.  “I haven’t had any—not since Ruby.  I won’t do that anymore Dean.  But there’s something you don’t know…”  His little brother took a deep breath and then looked up at him.  Dean could see the fear in his brother’s eyes as he continued to speak.  “I’m Lucifer’s vessel.”

 

Dean stood up and walked towards the window.  He should have been surprised, but then after finding out that he was supposed to be an angel condom, it made sense.  “I’m sorry Dean.  I tried—tried to end it so you wouldn’t have to, but I couldn’t…”

 

The older Winchester whirled around and returned to the bed. “Is that why you’re trying to kill yourself Sam?  Damn it, why didn’t you call me!”

 

“We weren’t talking and besides, what can you do?”  Sam sighed as he turned to look out the window.  “Don’t worry, I won’t kill myself—apparently I can’t….”

 

“What do you mean?”  Dean asked as he sat back down on his brother’s bed.

 

“He told me if I tried, he’d just bring me back Dean—and he did.  I should have died with what Zach did to me and then the pills, none of it worked.” Sam shivered.  “He’s going to keep looking for me and when he does, he’ll expect an answer.”  His brother looked up at him, a shattered expression on his face.  “What if I’m not strong enough Dean?  What if I mess up again and say yes?”

 

Dean ran a hand along his brother’s good arm before he clasped his sibling’s hand.  “You’re strong enough Sam.  You’ve made mistakes yes, but you’re one of the strongest men I know and the second best hunter.”

 

Sam rolled his eyes slightly before he responded.  “Never thought I’d hear you admit that Bobby was better than you Dean…”

 

“What?  Why you…just wait until you’re feeling better.  Remember who will be in charge of your PT.”  Dean said with a smirk on his face.

 

Sam smiled slightly before he sighed.  “You should just leave me here.  The angels can’t find me and even if they did, Bobby said he angel proofed the place.  I don’t think even Cas can get in here now.”

 

“No way Sam.  Do you think I’m going to let you get out of all the research?  Not to mention while we’re looking, there are other hunts out there.  Do you know how hard it is to dig a grave by yourself?  You don’t get off that easy Sam.  As soon as you’re fit, we’re out of here—together.”

 

His brother looked back at him with a soft smile on his face.  He wasn’t fooled.  Sam had a long way to go before he’d back to anything that resembled normal.  He could still see the haunted look in his sibling’s eyes but he also saw something that had been missing when he’d first arrived—determination also shone from his brother’s face.   “If you’re sure Dean…”

 

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life Sammy…”

 

 

 


End file.
